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The Lair of Dragonwiles
fanfictions both comedic and serious
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Inuyasha demanded, "Kagome, just sit down already. He can tattoo an epic on himself for all I care."
"Yes, sit down, woman," Bankotsu agreed from on stage, pointing Banryu at her.
"Inuyasha, why don't you sit," Kagome shot back, and her words of power forced Inuyasha's necklace, then himself, to the ground. Inuyasha let out a yelp. Keiko watched this occur with surprise.
Meanwhile, Tasuki leapt to his feet and shouted at Bankotsu, "How dare you point a weapon at a woman!"
Soi rolled her eyes. "Hypocrite, you killed me with a sword."
Tasuki turned towards her and contested, "You got in the way! I was aiming at Nakago!"
"Most people are grateful for my first aid from the future," Kagome groused as she reseated herself.
Amiboshi held his hand out and told her, "I'm grateful-"
"Never mind," Kagome grumbled as she plummeted into her seat with a dark look at Inuyasha.
"Bankotsu thinks he's so great with that huge weapon," Shizuru said to Botan. "Bui's battle axe was much bigger."
"Bui himself was three times his size, and more devoted to self-improvement," agreed Botan.
Bankotsu overheard them. "Bui must've been a weakling to need a weapon that big. I've got a good weapon because of its special ability. My weapon gains power each time I kill something with it. This is my halberd Banryu. It's killed a thousand demons and a thousand humans," Bankotsu boasted.
"Shishiwakamaru and Bankotsu might get on well," Kurama reckoned. "Both their weapons utilize the dead."
Tamahome recalled suspiciously, "He only said he'd killed a hundred demons and a hundred humans before."
Bankotsu decided to press on regardless. "First, we'll do a group number." The entire Band of Seven proceeded to do a song with a tolerable verse structure and a good hook, but disturbing lyrics about slaying vast numbers of humans. Chiriko gritted his teeth and endured it as best he could.
The special effects were amazing- Ginkotsu and Renkotsu launched vast numbers of fireworks, although a good deal of them exploded suspiciously close to Inuyasha's group.
Suikotsu walked to center stage when that song had concluded, accompanied by a cluster of children. "I'd like to lead my orphans in a moving rendition of 'Pure Has Become Impure,'" Suikotsu announced into the microphone.
"Those children seem frightened of him," Yukina commented concernedly.
"Oh, I hope Kikyo will be here in case he goes bad again!" one of the children whispered to the other. Suikotsu began the song, and the children joined in with only a slight tinge of fear in their voices.
"That song's a pack of lies," Kuwabara grumbled. "Real men stay pure. They don't switch from good to bad. They certainly don't say good and bad are the same thing."
Miaka wasn't really listening to the song: she was whispering in Tamahome's ear, "They're so cute! I want to have kids just like them!"
"They are very cute," Tamahome agreed. His response had a suggestion of uneasiness caused by the fear the children were evincing.
The children eagerly left after the song was done- in fact, so eagerly that Suikotsu wasn't able to catch up to them, and they fled off the stage exit.
Sango noted Kagome's worried look and told her, "I think they'll be all right. At least the children have each other."
Suikotsu shrugged and returned to the stage. Ginkotsu now rolled his large, armored cyborg body to center stage.
"I think this guy's going to do a heavy metal song," Yusuke wisecracked.
"Grrsh," Ginkotsu retorted.
"We all know you can say many more words than that," Shippo exclaimed, annoyed.
"Brat! Do you think I'd say it so much if I didn't like saying it? Grrsh!" Ginkotsu shot back. He and Renkotsu and Kyokotsu the giant then proceeded to play what was, indeed, a heavy metal song.
Chiriko could finally take this no longer. He asked the world in general, "Is this cacophony really considered music?"
Mukotsu got up to do his special effects for the song, throwing a miasma of poison out of the jars on his back.
"A miasma!" Miroku exclaimed. Sango put on her mask while everyone else tried to cover their faces with their clothes. Yusuke, Nakago, and Sensui readied themselves to attack the stage with bolts of energy, while Sniper of the Psycho Psychics prepared to accelerate a die at high speed, targeting Mukotsu.
Miroku shouted urgently, "Everyone brace yourselves! Sango, you have to release my Wind Tunnel!"
"Right!" Sango agreed as she removed the beads from around Miroku's wrist.
"It'd be easier if you untied me," Miroku suggested softly.
"Nothing doing, Miroku," she declared as she removed the string of beads from around Miroku's right hand. As soon as she did so, there was a great rushing noise, and everything around them began to be drawn into Miroku's right palm. Everyone in the theater took firm hold of something as they felt their bodies being pulled into the abyss. Old candy wrappers, leftover popcorn, ticket stubs, guitar picks, and the air itself, along with the poison, was drawn into Miroku's hand. He convulsed as the poison began to enter his bloodstream and tormented him.
"The poison's gotten into him!" Shippo shrieked.
Sango quickly put the beads back around his palm, and the Wind Tunnel was sealed again. "Miroku, can you hear us?" she asked urgently.
Inuyasha leapt in front of Miroku and snarled at the stage. The Band of Seven threw down smoke grenades to obscure themselves.
Kagome looked worriedly through her first aid kit. "I don't have an antidote for whatever that was," she said in alarm.
Mitsukake suddenly appeared beside her. "Don't worry," he told them all as he extended his own palm towards Miroku. Inuyasha watched him carefully, determined to not allow him to hurt Miroku. A glowing Chinese character appeared on Mitsukake's palm, and Miroku regained his color and stopped convulsing.
|Mitsukake and cat Tama1|
"The poison's left him!" Shippo exclaimed.
"I thank you," Miroku steepled his hands as best he could and bowed in his seat. "I don't believe I would've survived such a massive ingestion of stale popcorn without your timely assistance."
"It was the popcorn that poisoned him?" Doctor of the Psycho Psychics was incredulous.
Hotohori blanched and asked, "Miaka, are the gooey patches on the floor we've been stepping on this 'stale popcorn' he speaks of?"
"Yes," Miaka agreed, feeling ill herself.
"There exists a food that even Miaka won't eat?" Tomo asked incredulously.
"Get a face!" Tamahome insulted Tomo in return.
Yukina looked around and asked, "Where's Hiei?"
Smoke cleared off the stage, and the form of Hiei could now be made out there. He was standing behind Mukotsu, brandishing his katana. Mukotsu was trembling. Hiei explained, "I figured the toddler wouldn't mind if I killed a human who was already dead. But this person assures me that won't be necessary."
As the smoke fully cleared from the theater, "this person" became visible. She was standing to Hiei's right, looking calm and collected. This woman was short for a human, but still overtopped Hiei's upswept hair. The woman's own long hair had been hoaried by time. She was dressed like a martial artist, and her hands were clasped authoritatively behind her back. When she spoke, her voice was cracked with age. "Yes, Mukotsu," the woman proclaimed, "having broken the truce, you must now pay a fee."
Yusuke nearly fell out of his chair, and Kuwabara boggled at the stage. Even Kurama seemed slightly surprised. Yusuke gasped, "Grandma?"
"These special effects are just as amazing as you told us, Miaka!"
"I've got six other personalities that could count as members of the band."
"Kikyo Rolls! Get your Honey-Glazed Kikyo Rolls!
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