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The Lair of Dragonwiles
fanfictions both comedic and serious
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Keiko sidled up to Kagome. "Hello, my name's Keiko Yukimura," Keiko introduced herself surreptitiously.
"I'm Kagome Higurashi," Kagome said, a little surprised to see her.
"I don't mean to be nosy," Keiko said diffidently, "but I couldn't help but notice the necklace that your friend wears."
"Oh, Inuyasha's Beads of Subjugation?" Kagome said in greater surprise. She didn't think the Beads' color matched Keiko's hair.
"Yes," Keiko continued awkwardly, "I was wondering, where did you get them? Did you make them yourself?"
Kagome realized she had never asked these questions of Priestess Kaede, who had given her the Beads. "I'm sorry," Kagome said, feeling slightly foolish, "they were given to me by a friend, so I actually have no idea. Why do you want-" she suddenly stopped. It was suddenly all too obvious. Yusuke and Inuyasha were very alike. Kagome didn't know how Keiko remained sane without Beads of Subjugation on Yusuke.
"I'm sorry I can't help you," Kagome finished.
"Well, if you ever find out, let me know, please," Keiko said, with a tinge of desperation.
As Keiko walked away sadly, Kagome suddenly realized how valuable Beads of Subjugation were. If she could make them, she could get rich! But then she wondered, what would happen if they fell into the wrong hands? For example, what if Naraku got some and put them on Inuyasha? Kagome paled as she had a truly horrible thought- what if Inuyasha were to get his hands on another set of Beads and put it on her own neck?
No, she decided, she couldn't live with herself if the knowledge was put to such evil use.
Kuwabara slowly started to move again. "What happened?" he groaned at Yusuke.
"I don't really remember," Yusuke admitted as he tried to regain enough sensation and balance to stand up.
They struggled back into their seats very slowly.
"I think I remember now," Kuwabara said a few minutes later, in a low voice, "we were- oh no! Don't tell me Yukina gave us the finishing blow!"
"'Fraid so, pal," Yusuke whispered.
"They heal fast for humans," Kurama thought to himself.
The Seven Psycho Psychics were in the meantime making what few adjustments they needed for their act.
Genkai appeared on stage. "Ladies, gentlemen, and a certain dimwit," she glared at Yusuke as she said the last word, "it's now my great pleasure to introduce to you the last band of the evening, the Seven Psycho Psychics." There was polite applause.
Sensui took the microphone from Genkai, and Genkai left the stage. Sensui spoke, "Thank you all for coming to our debut performance. I'll start off our act by doing a bit of resshukoukyuuha."
"Is that a made-up word?" Tasuki gaped at Sensui.
"No, it must be derived from the most advanced style of martial arts known, reshuuken," Tamahome shook his head. "Master Tokaki said that you had to know every other form of martial arts to use reshuuken. This guy not only learned how to do that, but he also combined it with his own energy."
Itsuki, Sensui's demon partner, brought out a board, which he laid across two sawhorses in front of Sensui.
"So, now he breaks the board, right?" Kagome thought to herself.
Sensui backed up about ten feet behind the board and launched a powerful kick at it while saying, "Resshuushiendan." Many purple balls of energy emanated from his feet, and they flew towards the board, shattering it and making it smolder.
"He broke the board," Kagome thought to herself, stunned.
The entire band of the Seven Psycho Psychics: Sensui, Itsuki, Doctor, Sniper, Mitarai, and Game Master, stood in a line, then proceeded to do a song a capella. One wouldn't have expected it from the name of their band, but the song was actually quite sane and even pleasant. Chiriko nodded approvingly. The lyrics involved pain and horror, but it led to life reborn. The audience was so awed and felt such a glow of warmth that they were totally silent for a moment, before giving a very appreciative round of applause.
|Sea Man (Mitarai)4||Game Master (Amanuma)4||Chiriko1|
Doctor took the microphone and said, "I'd like to take a moment to tell you all about House of Miracle Hands. It's a medical charity that I've started, where I use my mysterious powers to heal people." He had set up a projector and now showed a short, touching slideshow of the people he'd helped through the charity.
"A worthy goal," Mitsukake nodded.
"It's a good thing it's a charity," Tetsuya thought to himself. "How would you bill insurance for that treatment? 'Psychic injury therapy'?"
"Doctor's certainly changed a lot since you fought him, Yusuke," Keiko mentioned to him. Yusuke nodded. He and Kuwabara felt almost as though they'd fully recovered just listening to how much these people had changed.
|Doctor4||Mitsukake and cat Tama1||Tetsuya1|
Kiyoshi Mitarai and Amanuma stepped forward to join Doctor for the next song.
"Go Kiyoshi!" Kuwabara and Yusuke yelled.
Amanuma the Game Master played the theremin, a musical instrument composed of two metal hoops which the user moves his hands through to create unearthly tones. His excellent hand-eye coordination had allowed him to master the instrument after one of his new friends introduced it to him. Doctor played the violin, putting to good use his careful and precise movements. Kiyoshi used his voice as an instrument.
"Yeah Kiyoshi!" Kuwabara cheered and held up his hands in two peace signs as the audience applauded thunderously.
|Sea Man (Mitarai)4||Game Master (Amanuma)4||Doctor4||Kuwabara5||Yusuke1|
"This is music even a kid like me can appreciate," Shippo said appreciatively.
Miaka looked over at Yusuke's row and said happily, "You know, those weird people in the front row must actually be good to have such nice friends."
"I'm really glad I decided to come," Yui told Keisuke. "There've been so many wonderful performances."
Now Amanuma came forward with Sensui for a comedy act. Sensui said, "Ki Kou To I" and was suddenly enveloped in armor.
"Amazing," Miroku breathed, "he has such a strong soul that he can envelop himself in armor."
|Game Master (Amanuma)4||Sensui4||Miroku1|
Amanuma got out a portable video game player and mimed making motions on it. Sensui mimed being the player character of the video game, under Amanuma's control. Amanuma made Sensui jump incredibly high in the air, and defeat various enemies (really Sniper and Itsuki) with stage fighting. Then he started making Sensui do a bizarre little victory dance, during which another enemy (Doctor) simply walked up, flicked Sensui, and made him fall over. Amanuma shook his fist at his video game player. The audience laughed, and the players took a bow.
|Game Master (Amanuma)4||Sensui4||Sniper4||Itsuki4||Doctor4|
Sensui had convinced Itsuki that instead of having Ura-Otoko sing, Itsuki should sing himself. Itsuki nervously took the stage and began, and the hall went deathly silent. He sang of pain and loss. When he was done, he looked out nervously over the audience.
Nothing happened for a moment.
The audience then stood and applauded raucously. The rest of the Seven Psycho Psychics clapped Itsuki on the back and congratulated him.
When the applause was done, Genkai took the stage again, only to find herself being applauded by an enthusiastic audience. She was too old to be really moved by this adulation, she told herself, and yet-
"I thought I told you to discontinue that third-person omniscient narration," Genkai said under her breath.
"Thank you all, and I'd like to thank all of our performers," she said, and the audience applauded yet again. "Good evening to you all, and we hope to see you again in the near future." She bowed and left the stage, and the audience began to leave.
"Hey! Our black discs just reappeared!" Shippo said excitedly, finding his disc back in his belt. "We can go home now!"
"That was a great concert, wasn't it, Inuyasha?" Kagome said happily, "This trip was worth it even without any Jewel Shards!"
"I suppose," he allowed, then added, "Can we pick up some ninja food on the way back?"
Miroku sighed in relief as Sango finally untied him. He flexed his fingers and discovered the itch in his neck had entirely disappeared.
Yusuke and his group shook hands with the Seven Psycho Psychics, trying to delay the inevitable moment when they'd all have to return to their separate lives in Human World and Demon World.
|Clockwise from left: Hiei, Kurama, Kuwabara, Botan, Keiko, Yusuke1||Shizuru4||Yukina5|
|Clockwise from top left: Sensui, Itsuki, Doctor, Sniper, Game Master, Sea Man10|
"I guess we have to return now," Mitsukake said sadly to Miaka, Tamahome, Yui, Tetsuya, and Keisuke.
"Thank you all so much for coming!" Miaka said. "You were all wonderful performers."
|Mitsukake and cat Tama1||Miaka1||Tamahome1||Yui1||Tetsuya1||Keisuke1|
"Miaka," Nuriko said sadly.
"You wouldn't mind if we maybe came back for another concert with you, would you?" Chichiri asked, trying to lighten the mood.
"Of course not!" Miaka said happily. Yui added, "Please, do come back soon." Keisuke pretended to sigh and joked, "All right, but I'm not taking anyone on the subway!" Everyone laughed.
"Come back and visit us when you can," Tamahome offered gallantly, with a laugh.
"We may take you up on that, if Chichiri agrees to let us borrow his hat," Hotohori smiled.
"Anytime, you know?" Chichiri agreed.
"I'll have lots to tell the other bandits," Tasuki grinned, revealing his small fangs. "Thanks for inviting us here, Miaka." She returned, "Thank you, Tasuki."
Chiriko held up the thick biology book towards Miaka. "It'll take me a while to write a whole textbook on this. But in the meantime I made some footnotes for you." Chiriko would've written the footnotes in Chinese, but Miaka knew Yui could help her understand them.
"Thank you so much," Miaka took the textbook back, trying not to cry. It was so inspiring to have so many friends, and so sad to see them all go.
One by one, Mitsukake, Hotohori, Chiriko, Nuriko, and Tasuki stepped into the hat. Chichiri entered last, and the hat flew out of the theater.
They remained looking at the exit their friends had used for a few moments longer.
|Mitsukake and cat Tama1||Hotohori1||Chiriko1||Nuriko1||Tasuki1||Chichiri1|
"Oh no," Tetsuya slapped his forehead. "We forgot Amiboshi and his parents! They're still in this reality!"
"So, are we going to die again, or what?" Miboshi pondered.
"Who cares," Nakago said dully.
"I won't allow you to die before I do," Soi said possesively, tightening her grip on his arm even further.
Genkai, from her office in the theater, said into a telephone, "Are you kidding? The tickets will sell faster than your ogres lose paperwork! I just need more promotion, and more bands for next time." She listened to something on the other end, and responded, "No, Koenma, I fired my lousy agent. This time I'm going to do it all myself. It'll be something really good!"
Far away, a plain, nondescript person walks along a long country road, on the outskirts of the town where the theater is located. The nondescript person is Dragonwiles, the author.
The sun is setting on the horizon, as it is on the story, and the author is reflecting on how the story went.
"Wow," Dragonwiles speaks thoughts aloud, "I didn't expect half of that stuff to happen until it did! I'd say I'm quite pleased by the results, in any case." Musing further, Dragonwiles says, "Gee, I hadn't meant to be so hard on some of the characters, though. I mean, I didn't want to be so mean to poor Shippo. And why did I start picking on Ashitare the wolf guy like that? I feel sorry for him. I hope I didn't hurt his feelings. I wonder if I got any of his fans upset."
The shade of a nearby hill has created darkness ahead of him, and in the darkness Dragonwiles notices many pairs of eerily glowing eyes. Dragonwiles takes a cautious step backwards, and the eyes advance towards him. As Dragonwiles' own eyes become more adjusted to the light, and Dragonwiles hears various snuffles and barks, it becomes clear that these are the eyes of a multitude of large wolves.
"Uh-oh," Dragonwiles murmurs. "You're Ashitare's fans, and since this is an insane fanfiction, you've all gained his ability to turn into huge wolves. I get it. And, you're mad, aren't you?"
The fanwolves began to stalk forward slowly, with low, menacing growls.
Dragonwiles put forward open palms in a nonthreatening manner. "Look, I feel bad for him too! I've felt sorry for him ever since I learned how Nakago tortured him!"
The wolves stalk closer and closer, hemming him in and cutting off his retreat.
"So, we're really sorry," Tamahome finished saying to Amiboshi.
"Could we put them up at our house?" Miaka whispered to Keisuke. "There's not enough room," he disagreed, "even if we slept on the floor."
"I could put you up at my house," Tetsuya offered.
"That'll be fine, I guess," Amiboshi nodded, and his surprised adopted parents nodded too. "But would we have to take that rocking carriage thing to get to your house?"
Dragonwiles has been mortally wounded. Draongwiles coughs heavily a moment, then finally manages to gasp some last words, "I only regret that I never put in a disclaimer for this fanfiction. I'd better go ahead and do it now. This disclaimer shall be so construed as to apply to the entirety of this fanfiction. The author does not own, and does not claim to own, anything copyrighted, trademarked, or otherwise owned by anyone else."
One of the fan wolves was leaving the scene, but hearing some sounds from Dragonwiles, comes back.
"The author does not claim to own any of the series, characters, events, jokes, or concepts, images too, despite using them-" Dragonwiles cuts off as the wolf bites him a few more times to make him stop talking.
I made up Mitarai having a girlfriend- this is supposed to be set after the Yu Yu Hakusho series is done, so by now he might have a girlfriend.
|Sea Man (Mitarai)4|
The following articles helped me to have a somewhat factual basis for this insane comedy. Blame me first for inaccuracies or insanities. I deserve it.
Wikipedia: "Fusihigi Yugi" for reminding me that the guy with sunglasses is Tetsuya Kajiwara
Wikipedia: "Mitsukake" for reminding me that his cat is Tama
Wikipedia: "Tomo (Seiryu Seishi)" for helping me finally get his name right
Thanks to http://www.ex.org/1.5/12-fy4.html for reminding me that Tokaki is the name of Tamahome's master
Thanks to genbukaiden.tripod.com/id12.html for the proper spelling of Taiitsukun
Thanks to Animelyrics.com "Fushigi Yugi" (http://www.animelyrics.com/anime/fushigi) for name of Eikoden opening song "Chijou no Seiza" as well as opening song of the anime series, "Itooshi Hito no Tame Ni."
Thanks to Anime Lyrics.com "YES - Koko ni Eien ga Aru" at http://www.animelyrics.com/anime/fushigi/yeskokonieien.htm for the title of that song, the ending song for Eikoden
One Week Later at the Awayuki Mansion:
Near the front steps of a large mansion, a young woman with pinkish hair named Himeno and a young man with long blue hair named Hayate were in the middle of a heated debate.
|Left to right: Himeno and Hayate1|
Hayate told Himeno, "But it's a great opportunity for us! We've never gotten a chance to exercise our musical side before!"
"But I don't have a musical side!" Himeno shook her head angrily.
"We're perfect for it- there are seven Leafe Knights, and this is a concert for bands of seven!" Hayate insisted.
"Then why don't all of you do it, why are you dragging me into this?" Himeno asked, bewildered.
"Because, tulip head, we obviously can't be a band based on the theme of "Seven Dwarves" without someone to be a "Snow White"!" Hayate insisted.
Himeno yelled, "Stop calling me tulip head!"
Wikipedia: "List of InuYasha characters" for reminding me of Kyokotsu and Mukotsu's name
At the residence of Shigure Sohma:
Tohru Honda walked out onto the porch, her long brown hair fluttering, and mentioned, "I just got this neat letter!"
Kyo turned from where he lay, while Yuki smiled at Tohru and said pleasantly, "What makes it so neat, Ms. Honda?"
|Clockwise: Shigure Sohma, Yuki Sohma, Tohru Honda, Kyo Sohma1|
"It says that we've been invited to perform in a concert for bands of seven or more!" Tohru explained.
"But we aren't a band," Kyo pointed out, frowning.
"I'm sure that we could learn," Yuki said convincingly.
"I bet that all of you would make a great band," Tohru said sincerely.
"Why thank you, Ms. Honda," Yuki said, pleased.
"I haven't picked up a guitar since I was ten," Kyo grumbled.
"Since you tried to imitate a rock star and broke it over your knee," Yuki corrected him.
"I was just getting excited!" Kyo huffed, and rolled over, and left.
Wikipedia: "Chapter Black Saga" for helping me get the name of the literature buff psychic, Yuu Kaitou, and for proper spelling of Mitarai and reminding me of the name of Doctor's charity and the name of Ura-Otoko, the demon who lives in the earth and is controlled by Itsuki
Wikipedia: "Dark Tournament Saga" for reminding me of Sakyo's name
Wikipedia: "Shinobu Sensui" for reminding me of the fighting style names: reshuuken, resshukoukyuuha, resshuushiendan
Wikipedia: "Yu Yu Hakusho" for reminding me of Keiko's last name: Yukimura
At the Niwa Residence:
Kosuke Niwa walked into the room and mentioned, "Hey, Daisuke, you got a letter. Do you know who sent it? It says Genkai on the return address."
"Genkai?" Daisuke Niwa, Kosuke's son, shook his head. "I don't know anyone named Genkai. Usually Mom sends out mysterious letters. Now I'm getting them?"
|Kosuke Niwa8||(l. to r.) Daisuke Niwa and Phantom Dark1||Genkai5||Emiko Niwa8|
Daisuke took and opened the letter as With, a small animal who resembled a white rabbit with red eyes, looked over his shoulder. Daisuke read it quickly and raised his eyebrows and protested, "But I'm not a musician!"
"What have you got there?" his mother asked. She took the letter and read it quickly. "Oh, this is wonderful, Dai! You should perform as Phantom Dark!"
"Mom!" Daisuke was astonished at her. How could she suggest he perform as his other self in front of people? Someone might figure out their connection, and as both Daisuke and Dark were theives, that could have dangerous consequences. Not only that, but the letter mentioned that Satoshi Hiwatari was going to be in the band. If Hiwatari or his other half, Krad, chose to fight during the concert, innocents might get hurt.
|Emiko Niwa8||Clockwise: Krad, Satoshi Hiwatari, Daisuke Niwa, Phantom Dark1|
"Hey," Dark said within Daisuke's mind, "you can trust me to lead Krad to someplace private for a battle. Besides, the letter says the Harada sisters will be part of the band too. You want to see them, don't you?"
"Dark!" Daisuke hung his head.
|(l. to r.) Daisuke Niwa and Phantom Dark1||Krad1||(l. to r.) Riku and Risa Harada1|
Wikipedia: "Ex post facto law" aided my memory of Latin
Thanks to Webster's New World Dictionary and software 2.0 for the definition of gnarr: basically to growl
Wikipedia: "Radiocarbon dating" for refreshing my memory
At Wherever it Was that We Left Dragonwiles:
The camera dramatically pans to Dragonwiles, who is still lying motionless on the road.
Dramatic music soars as the sun rises, and the body of Dragonwiles begins to change shape. The fingers lengthen, and the ends develop long, curved claws. Scales replace hair and skin. The eyes enlarge, and the pupils change form. Wings grow out of the back.
When the transformation is complete, Dragonwiles rises upon new legs, no longer human, but a full dragon. Dragonwiles looks at the camera and chuckles, in a deep voice, "You didn't really think I was dead, did you?" He snorts out a smoke ring in amusement, then yawns as the dawn breaks. The yawn causes a stream of fire to break out of Dragonwiles' mouth.
"Too much left to write," Dragonwiles nods, and flies off towards the dawn.
10A combination of pictures from http://morgan-d.net and http://www.yuyuhakusho.com/index.cfm?page=characters
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